Be Polished and Poised

This is the third post in my brand new series “Be”. Where we will look at different ways of feeling and being and examine how we can shift from our undesired feelings to the ones we wish to embody and feel. It is important to me that we don’t say “I want to be more ” or “I want to be less _” we have enough negative self-talk in our life. So for those of us seeking change and becoming who we want to be, I thought this would be a new and fun approach. I hope you enjoy.

5 Ways to Feel Confident and Put Together

Do you ever see those ladies who seem to have it all together? Like the hair is done, the nails are done, everything is clean and bright? And you wonder, how do they do this? How is it that they got up this morning and got their kids ready and everyone out the door and still look like this?

When my kids were babies and I was working, people asked me how I did this all the time. The truth was, I wasn’t put together fully. My mornings were hectic and crazy and overwhelming. My kids were all in diapers at the same time, all in cribs and drinking bottles and into everything at the same time. So getting out the door in one piece wasn’t easy. So even if you’re feeling like a crazy lady inside, it’s possible to still feel confident and put together.

  1. Buy basics.

Being basic might not be the coolest thing, but buying staple pieces that can be thrown together quickly and are classic make getting dressed in the morning so much easier. Dresses, sweaters, a white button down shirt. Flats in a couple different colors. Throw in a couple of fun statements tops or jewelry that really says “hi I’m still in here!” allows you to dress up the basics and look polished without all the extensive effort.

J. Crew Factory is my go to for easy shopping. They have great skirts and tops and jackets and everything basically goes together. Plus everything on their website is on sale pretty regularly so you can update your wardrobe for not a lot of money.

  1. 3 Minute Face

There is so much contouring in the world today. Make up has reached new levels of glam and sometimes I just can’t handle it. I’m a minimalist when it comes to make-up and a little can go a long way. When I was hardly sleeping concealer became my best friend. Bare Minerals liquid foundation is a quick glow up for my face (takes no time at all to apply) a little bronzer, mascara and lip gloss and I’m out. Sometimes I do this in the car. Because the how doesn’t matter as much as the result and I’m a realist.

  1. Nice Bag

Have one good purse.
That goes with everything.
That keeps all your things.
Invest a little extra so it stays around for a while.

I’m a big fan of the Kate Spade outlet because you can buy really nice backs at 70% off. These bags last forever and they always look good.

  1. Emergency Back Ups

When I was working I always had the following things in my car, because no one has time to feel self-conscious when they have a job to do, a family to care for and people to talk to.

  1. Face Wipes
  2. Deodorant
  3. Hairspray/Dry Shampoo
  4. Wisp Teeth Cleaners
  5. Lip Gloss
  6. Tampons

Everyone gets sweaty, sometimes we need to freshen our breath, sometimes you need to plump up your pout. There’s no shame in it. Even if you’ve rolled out of bed and thrown an outfit on, this list can get you through the day.

  1. Underwear

When I was younger my very fabulous Aunt would take me shopping and show me how to dress and it was an extremely helpful and important education.

Bras:
White
Black
Neutral

I don’t know why this was so helpful for me. Growing up with Pink and VS everywhere, all the time, kind of took the simplicity out what I should be wearing. So wearing patterned or colorful bras under shirts was just not a mistake I realized I was making.

Having a go to beige bra to throw on in the morning that won’t show a lace pattern or draw unwanted attention just makes it so much easier to get out the door. Also having decent panties and bras just makes you feel better. It also helps your clothing fit better so that you are getting a smooth silhouette.

I hope this was a helpful post. These tips got me through a difficult time where there wasn’t a lot of room for self care. Everyone’s definition of put together or polished is different, just like everybody’s style. So have fun with your self-expression.

Are you your own worst boss?

I was listening to the Tim Ferris Podcast this morning with Seth Godin.

They were talking about lots and lots of things but this stuck out to me.

From an excerpt from Seth Godin’s Blog back in December of this past year:

The World’s Worst Boss:

That would be you.

Even if you’re not self-employed, your boss is you. You manage your career, your day, your responses. You manage how you sell your services and your education and the way you talk to yourself.

Odds are, you’re doing it poorly.

If you had a manager that talked to you the way you talked to you, you’d quit. If you had a boss that wasted as much of your time as you do, they’d fire her. If an organization developed its employees as poorly as you are developing yourself, it would soon go under. I’m amazed at how often people choose to fail when they go out on their own or when they end up in one of those rare jobs that encourages one to set an agenda and manage themselves. Faced with the freedom to excel, they falter and hesitate and stall and ultimately punt.

We are surprised when someone self-directed arrives on the scene. Someone who figures out a way to work from home and then turns that into a two-year journey, laptop in hand, as they explore the world while doing their job. We are shocked that someone uses evenings and weekends to get a second education or start a useful new side business. And we’re envious when we encounter someone who has managed to bootstrap themselves into happiness, as if that’s rare or even uncalled for.

This is important. Especially for me as a coach.

Because THIS IS THE SHIT WE WORK ON.

Self-management

Time Management

Making Good Decisions

Creating sustainable habits

Dialing in our everyday

Minimalizing distractions

Being the best damn boss of ourselves we can be.

Coaches exist to take our own life into our own hands and set it off in the direction of our dreams. We help people get out of their own way, work on their personal beliefs systems about how they feel about themselves. We work with clients to help them overcome negative self-talk and remove habits that hurt us, our goals, and our relationships?

Are you the world’s worst boss of yourself? Do the words in Seth Godin’s essay resonate with you? Considering hiring a coach, sitting down and talking one-on-one with what kind of person you want to be and how to get there.

Interested in coaching? Schedule an appointment with me here: https://calendly.com/vivant-coaching/mini-session

 

 

Let the dead things die!

It’s Halloween!

What a wondrous season. I love the fall, it’s my birthday, sweaters and layering and boots season. What’s not to love?

But what I love so much about fall is that it is a reminder of the great cycle of life, things and seasons. Death and rebirth. For those of us who are into astrology, it is also the scorpio season. This is a time of year for alchemical change. Total transformation.

When I read Clarissa Pinkola-Estes book Women Who Run with the Wolves (you can buy the book at the link fall is a great time to read these classic stories of the Wild Woman Archetype) this became a central theme and daily reminder to myself.

As we move into the darker part of the year, and the weather changes around us it is a good reminder to let go and let all that doesn’t serve us fall away.

So what does this look like in my life?

Dropping bad diet habits.

I was on a very strict diet for a long time and I was uncomfortable and miserable and wasn’t getting any results. I am letting that go.

I am ushering in health, plant-based meals twice a day, and cutting way back on drinking.

Getting real in my relationships.

Being honest about my feelings and being clear when things don’t go well. Also, if necessary saying goodbye.

Practicing Non-Attachment

Being clear that nothing is permanent, and everything is always changing and giving myself permission to be in the moment. Showing up to do my work but letting it go if it’s not the right path. Not feeling attached to outcomes or possibilities but practicing allowing.

My suggestion to you this season:

What do you want to leave behind?

Who do you want to forgive?

What do you want to stop punishing yourself for?

What isn’t making you feel bright and alive?

Make a list of all that is no longer bringing you joy, peace or happiness that isn’t worth the effort to fix.

Make a little alter of beautiful things that bring joy to you.

For example, I have a statue of the Green Tara that my best friend gave me with handwritten prayers from India inside that I like to place with crystals and stones and candles. But a little bowl of water in the middle.

Light that paper on fire.

Say a prayer to whomever you connect with, source, God, universal energy, Gaia, or yourself and release it.

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It’s time to prepare ourselves for winter, for what we want to bring in to the world and create, it’s time for planning and contemplation, don’t muddle your vision with things that no longer serve you.

Best to all, and all the love in the world,

Alissa

Identity

Today we are going to discuss something that may not seem flexible at first.

Who we are.

Better yet, let’s change the words here. Our perception of ourselves.

Our perception of ourselves and the way that we interpret our personal reality is the key catalyst to your potential successes and failures. Our personal perception of our capabilities, our strengths, whether or not we are popular or good people is the way we filter the stimulus around us.

Imagine this, I am a young woman who is 15 years old, I go to Highschool at a prominent suburban school and I am going through puberty. My entire life I saw myself as a rebel, a tom-boy, and a very extroverted person. But as my body is physically changing I am becoming more reserved, I am wearing different and more feminine clothing and trying to follow the rules closer. What has happened here?

As this young woman’s body has changed, her perception of herself and how she fits into this new world (freshman in HS) has changed her view of herself. What once made her strong and outgoing is no longer a highly valued social currency. She interprets her attractiveness to others now as wrong and begins to change. Shutting down some of her key characteristics to fit in. Her new perception of herself is that she needs to be quieter, more physically attractive and better behaved so that people will like her more.

This is definitely a survival tactic and potentially even growing up, but as our perception, our identity is developed both culturally and individually this can benefit us or harm us. In this example of the young girl, her once exuberant, rebellious lively personality has been identified as unattractive. Her gift has been put away. As she grows older she may bring out those positive characteristics depending on what her career, college experience or other experiences influence her.

It is important to remember that we are all evaluating and judging our own behavior in different contexts and that not only does that determine how we believe others will perceive us, it determines how we perceive others.

It is also important to note that when we are young and going through adolescences we are essentially domesticated through punishment and reward for our behavior, and we continue to function this way as adults. There are benefits involved in hiding parts of ourselves, such as safety, acceptance, more attention, or less. Our brains are motivated through this and that is why changing is so difficult to achieve.

Our identity is flexible if we desire to unleash a new person for instance, or make-over ourselves, it is possible. Identity isn’t necessarily fixed because it is an interpretation of ourselves. So if our current set of morals, beliefs, goals don’t fit with the life we want to achieve, one important step to take is to become the person we wish to be.

Who do I need to be to achieve this?

This question is everything because change will take a different set of behaviors and choices. It will take a potential change in schedule or how you see yourself. Long-term lasting change in career, health, relationships, or anything else requires learning and action. Those actions will not be the ones you are doing or else you would already be seeing these results.

So, mentally munch on this a while, who do you want to be? Who do you see as your highest potential self? What is it that you want to accomplish and what will it take to get there? Who are people who have accomplished what you want to accomplish and how can you emulate them? What are the unique personal gifts that you can enhance to get you to the next level?

I can’t WAIT to hear your feedback.

Go get em’

 

Alissa

Episode 10 Concept to Experience

 

In today’s episode, we are going raw! I am talking about moving from a concept of the life you want to EXPERIENCING the life you want.

We are talking about daily decisions, life visions, and everyday actions to get you on the path toward the concept you have of the life you want. The journey begins! Let’s get started.

Check it out! https://www.spreaker.com/show/2963434/episodes/feed

Episode #5 with Jaime Messina!

I personally adore her, although we have never met in person.

Jaime is an inspiring fitness influencer on social media. Her emphasis on health, mental wellness, and her love for being an Aunt bring a lot of joy, hope, and inspiration to my social feeds.

I loved having her on the podcast because she BLOOMS.

Her story is inspiring and her work is amazing. I’m so honored to introduce you to her.

 

Check it out!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-bloom-method-podcast-episode-6-with-guest-jamie-messina/id1399104144?i=1000418090022&mt=2

Your Personal Environment

So a couple years ago I attended a transformation coaching seminar and the instructor was coach Chris Lee.

Chris Lee is also Lewis Howes, from the School of Greatness podcast, coach. So this guy is major and he is on the podcast often.

During one of his recent interviews with Lewis, he talked about your “Personal Environment” and he doesn’t go deep into that idea in the podcast but I have been chewing on this concept for months.

I believe in stewardship deeply. Being responsible, being a good neighbor, making sure that those who are in my personal environment comfortable.

My husband and I are on Daufuskie Island in South Carolina. During our stay we make sure to talk to the local people who live here, support small businesses and clean up trash alongside the roads. She is just a little island, but we have so much love for it and we feel like we are being good stewards of the place we love to visit.

So how do we become good stewards of ourselves? And our personal environment?

I have

been really thinking about this deeply and truly.

While on vacation a lot of stuff comes up for me. My health, my weight, am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? And I’ve decided that I’m done wasting my vacation and relaxation time because I haven’t done the work daily so that I can enjoy the week fully.

Daily Work

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Daily work of doing what my body needs, doing the everyday menial tasks, making the tough choices so that when it’s time to rest and play, all is tidy nothing is in limbo.

Getting things on the calendar ahead of time.

Checking it and updating it every day.

Knowing where I want to spend my time and energy.

Resting when I need to rest.

Setting an alarm to wake up daily at the same time.

Knocking down a mile so my brain and body are healthy.

Eating the right things so that when I indulge I’m not rattled with guilt.

Making sure my brain in under control and I’m not indulging in obsessive thinking or negative self-talk

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Knowing Where You Are Going

Setting Goals

Knowing who you are and what you want

Changing and taking action so that you are happy with who you are

Seeking guidance when you are lost

Being in control of your own life, time and destiny

Being Responsible

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For your words

Being a leader in your own life

Being honest

Communicating feelings and resolving differences

Creating healthy boundaries for those who aren’t adding to your life experience in a positive way

Making sure you are mentally healthy! It’s YOUR responsibility!

 

 

 

We create environments everywhere we are. Your home is an environment, your car, your office, and you are responsible for being a good steward.

Keep that grass cut, water the flowers, plant new things, pull out the dead ones, and put some fun music on. I’ll bring drinks.

Talk to you next week,

Alissa

 

On this week’s episode, we discuss ridding ourselves of toxins, doing fulfilling work and balancing motherhood and self-care. Amy Jo Hamilton has created an educational beauty experience and has built her Beauty Counter business quickly with finesse and passion. Tune in!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/bloom-method-podcast-episode-5-guest-amy-jo-hamilton/id1399104144?i=1000416338807&mt=2

PS: If you like the podcast please subscribe or leave a review!

 

“Fragrance is the new 2nd hand smoke.”

-Amy Jo Hamilton

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About Amy:

My name is Amy Jo Hamilton and live in Columbus, OH with my 20-month-old son Henry and Husband, Andy.

My career background is in corporate retail, I worked as a buyer for 13 years, at companies like L Brands, Acena, and DSW.

When I was at the top of my game and pregnant with our son ( after a long fertility struggle) I was caught up in a huge round of layoffs and lost my job. I was devastated and took it was a huge hit to my ego!

Then my “side hobby” Beautycounter came into play, being 25 weeks pregnant and after going on multiple interviews, that just didn’t feel right, I decided to dive head first into my Beautycounter business. Beautycounter is a direct retail brand that sells safe beauty, personal care, sunscreen and kid products thru three channels of distribution: eCommerce, consultants, and pop-up shops/collaborations. I was drawn to their mission of getting safer products in the hands of everyone and loved the freedom and flexibility Beautycounter offered me.

 

I am now a Director for Beautycounter and lead a team of over 35+ girls and growing daily. With this flexible schedule

I was able to also get back into my other true passion  – yoga & group fitness. I am currently completing my 200-hour yoga teacher training.

 

So, when people ask what I do all day I say I help change people’s lives from the inside out and I be the best mama and wife I can be!

 

My #1 piece of advice is to follow your gut, never settle and go for the NO! There is no such thing as failure, just feedback. You are the only person that will take care of you and ensure you are not only serving your clients, but you are getting served by them as well.

 

In my free time, I love working out (running, barre, yoga), reading (now listening to books on audio- let’s be real who has time to read?), traveling, spending time with my family and pampering myself! Self-care is super important, especially for women and mamas! It is okay to take some time for yourself!

 

You can find Amy on IG @AmyHamiltonBeautyCounter

Or join her FB Group Here: Better Beauty. Better You with Amy Jo Hamilton