Be Organized

/This is the second post in my brand new series “Be”. Where we will look at different ways of feeling and being and examine how we can shift from our undesired feelings to the ones we wish to embody and feel. It is important to me that we don’t say “I want to be more ” or “I want to be less _” we have enough negative self-talk in our life. So for those of us seeking change and becoming who we want to be, I thought this would be a new and fun approach. I hope you enjoy./

Calling Marie Kondo!
She loves mess.

Being organized is so important, because our outside stuff can really affect our inside sense of well being. Whether you are trying to get your kids dressed in the morning and can’t find anything because there are clothes that no longer fit everywhere, or your stressed because everything you need to get out the door is all over the house, organization keeps things running smoothly.

Now I know it’s work and there is emotional labor in sorting and throwing things away. But I want to offer you a prize for doing so.

Eliminating decision-making fatigue.

It’s a real thing. That’s why really highly productive people make decisions ahead of time. That’s why minimalism is so popular. Because the less stuff you have to sort through, the less decisions you have to make. The less decisions about little things like what to wear, what to eat and what to do everyday, frees up more energy to make decisions about big things. Like what do I want to do with this great big life of mine?

So let’s start easy.
What are some things you can do to be more organized today?
Could you get your schedule down on your calendar?
Could you plan out meals for the week?
Could you clean out a closet?

The Marie Kondo overhaul is not necessary. However it is really good to take small actions to help your space feel clear and open. It will help you feel more clear and open. Your environment is really important! Even visual overstimulation can fatigue our brains, and we get enough visual input through our cell phones alone.

So give yourself grace and make some room for a little organization and over time you will “Be Organized” and that will help your life run more smoothly and give you more time for the things you love, and less time for being stressed about finding this or that.

Have a great week,
Alissa Taglione

Be Polished and Poised

This is the third post in my brand new series “Be”. Where we will look at different ways of feeling and being and examine how we can shift from our undesired feelings to the ones we wish to embody and feel. It is important to me that we don’t say “I want to be more ” or “I want to be less _” we have enough negative self-talk in our life. So for those of us seeking change and becoming who we want to be, I thought this would be a new and fun approach. I hope you enjoy.

5 Ways to Feel Confident and Put Together

Do you ever see those ladies who seem to have it all together? Like the hair is done, the nails are done, everything is clean and bright? And you wonder, how do they do this? How is it that they got up this morning and got their kids ready and everyone out the door and still look like this?

When my kids were babies and I was working, people asked me how I did this all the time. The truth was, I wasn’t put together fully. My mornings were hectic and crazy and overwhelming. My kids were all in diapers at the same time, all in cribs and drinking bottles and into everything at the same time. So getting out the door in one piece wasn’t easy. So even if you’re feeling like a crazy lady inside, it’s possible to still feel confident and put together.

  1. Buy basics.

Being basic might not be the coolest thing, but buying staple pieces that can be thrown together quickly and are classic make getting dressed in the morning so much easier. Dresses, sweaters, a white button down shirt. Flats in a couple different colors. Throw in a couple of fun statements tops or jewelry that really says “hi I’m still in here!” allows you to dress up the basics and look polished without all the extensive effort.

J. Crew Factory is my go to for easy shopping. They have great skirts and tops and jackets and everything basically goes together. Plus everything on their website is on sale pretty regularly so you can update your wardrobe for not a lot of money.

  1. 3 Minute Face

There is so much contouring in the world today. Make up has reached new levels of glam and sometimes I just can’t handle it. I’m a minimalist when it comes to make-up and a little can go a long way. When I was hardly sleeping concealer became my best friend. Bare Minerals liquid foundation is a quick glow up for my face (takes no time at all to apply) a little bronzer, mascara and lip gloss and I’m out. Sometimes I do this in the car. Because the how doesn’t matter as much as the result and I’m a realist.

  1. Nice Bag

Have one good purse.
That goes with everything.
That keeps all your things.
Invest a little extra so it stays around for a while.

I’m a big fan of the Kate Spade outlet because you can buy really nice backs at 70% off. These bags last forever and they always look good.

  1. Emergency Back Ups

When I was working I always had the following things in my car, because no one has time to feel self-conscious when they have a job to do, a family to care for and people to talk to.

  1. Face Wipes
  2. Deodorant
  3. Hairspray/Dry Shampoo
  4. Wisp Teeth Cleaners
  5. Lip Gloss
  6. Tampons

Everyone gets sweaty, sometimes we need to freshen our breath, sometimes you need to plump up your pout. There’s no shame in it. Even if you’ve rolled out of bed and thrown an outfit on, this list can get you through the day.

  1. Underwear

When I was younger my very fabulous Aunt would take me shopping and show me how to dress and it was an extremely helpful and important education.

Bras:
White
Black
Neutral

I don’t know why this was so helpful for me. Growing up with Pink and VS everywhere, all the time, kind of took the simplicity out what I should be wearing. So wearing patterned or colorful bras under shirts was just not a mistake I realized I was making.

Having a go to beige bra to throw on in the morning that won’t show a lace pattern or draw unwanted attention just makes it so much easier to get out the door. Also having decent panties and bras just makes you feel better. It also helps your clothing fit better so that you are getting a smooth silhouette.

I hope this was a helpful post. These tips got me through a difficult time where there wasn’t a lot of room for self care. Everyone’s definition of put together or polished is different, just like everybody’s style. So have fun with your self-expression.

Be Composed

This is the first post in my brand new series “Be”. Where we will look at different ways of feeling and being and examine how we can shift from our undesired feelings to the ones we wish to embody and feel. It is important to me that we don’t say “I want to be more ” or “I want to be less _” we have enough negative self-talk in our life. So for those of us seeking change and becoming who we want to be, I thought this would be a new and fun approach. I hope you enjoy.

Composure.

Calm.
Cool.
Collected.

I love feeling composed. I love feeling calm, relaxed, and collected.
I struggle with maintaining my composure for mostly 3 reasons.

  1. Overtired
  2. Overwhelmed
  3. Stressed

As a Mom of three boys and a coach working to build my own business maintaining composure can be difficult. So I wanted to share some of the ways I maintain composure and address the 3 main triggers I listed above.
So here are 5 ways to help you feel composed, even when life gets hectic.

  1. Take care of yourself first

This is the most important thing I can reiterate. When I am up early, have my day planned, have the clothes picked out and know what’s happening that day- I can handle just about anything.

Getting a good nights rest, eating what you need to fuel your own unique body, being ahead of your day so that you are in control is the number one secret of composed people.

  1. Be Proactive, Not Reactive
    Really get that schedule honed in. Know your goals. Know what’s going on with your money, your body, your home. Open your eyes to every aspect of your life so that you’re in charge.

Sometimes ripping that bandaid off and looking at the different sectors of your life can be uncomfortable. I know there have been times where I have avoided the scale or checking my account balance because I would just rather not deal with it. That method, however, usually leads to bigger problems down the road. Whether you decide to take control or not, you will still reap the consequences.

  1. Take Charge of Your Thinking
    Meditation is so popular because it really does help. We have the capability to observe our thinking. To hear our negative thoughts without reacting to them or judging them. We can literally just watch our brains and see what’s going on in there.

Often times it’s a lot of old stuff. Negative beliefs or thoughts from when we were kids. Most of it isn’t true either. Yet continues to play in the background of our mind.

These “limiting beliefs” are the NUMBER 1 reason we hold ourselves back. Whether it be a lack of self-worth or just feeling like we could never achieve something, or the scariest of the three comparison, what we think, we believe. What we believe, becomes our life.

So if you believe you can’t handle this, or there is no way you can do something, you’re right.

So how do we counter these thoughts? Stay curious.
Watch your thinking.
Write down some of the thoughts that come up over and over and ask “is this really true about me?”

Your thoughts create your emotions. Period. So if you want to start feeling better, if you want to feel in control and composed, you have to have the thought to match that emotion.

“I can handle this”
“People do this everyday”
“It’s possible”
“One step at a time”
“I’m OK”

Take breaks, check your head space, make sure you are breathing!
Allow yourself to come back to a feeling of equilibrium.

We can choose how we feel by choosing thoughts that help us feel good. Sometimes we can’t get from total overwhelm to zen. We can, however get to total overwhelm to compassion for ourselves. Compassion creates a space of understanding the drivers of that feeling of overwhelm, and allows us to shift in a new direction.

Lady, Give Yourself a Break

It’s good to be back. Last week was spring break and I got to spend so much one on one time with my littles. My twins are going to Kindergarten screening today and I just can’t even deal with how fast they are growing.

But I will be completely honest, I am exhausted. I am so friggen tired from last week that I ordered my iced coffee with a shot of espresso in it.

Being a Mom is hard, tireless work. All too often it is undervalued, and so are duties that go with it. We also have our own dreams, our own aspirations, hobbies and desires to go after. It never seems like enough. There never seems to be enough time. The early years of being at home with children is a staccato rhythm, a constantly interrupted effort.

So this week, the old guilt has tried to come back:

“i’m not doing enough”

“my work isn’t consistent”

“I can’t do all of this”

And i’m done with it.

I’m giving myself a break. Honoring taking a week off to be with my boys, and not feeling guilty for still being tired this week. I am honoring the efforts of my motherhood and taking care of 5 people including my husband. I am appreciating the support I give those around me.

I am allowing for rest and time to RECEIVE, rather than give.

This isn’t an excuse not to show up and make our dreams happen, as Marie Forleo says, “everything is figureouttable” and I believe that. My concern is the EXTRA SUFFERING that comes with the guilt, the pressure, and the ideal version of what our lives look like.

So whether you’re a working mom, a mom of 4 under 6 years old, or a new mom of 1 little precious baby, please give yourself the grace, space and love you deserve.

This is not an easy assignment. What you’re doing is sacred work and deserves more honor than our society assigns.

You will always find reverence for your efforts, dreams, hardships and love here. Always.

Have a great week,

Alissa

Spiritual Beliefs

My personal journey of spirituality is probably one that will resonate with a lot of women my age. We have all started working with aromatherapy, crystals, and meditation is so normal now. My spiritual journey has been a series of unfolding, with my apprehension for the lutheran church I grew up, my issues with the beliefs of traditional christianity and the lack of acceptance specifically of the LGBT community. I have always felt and known a God presence, and I feel it on a regular basis. I also believe in Jesus, as a teacher and a spiritual entity. I believe in the Buddha and buddhist teachings I believe in the cohesion of the spiritual experienced translated as a religion.

The biggest turning point in my spiritual journey was the late Dr. Wayne Dyer. Recently I have been re-reading a lot of his books and his wisdom still rings so true to me.

I was laying in bed after a severe accident, I was finally home, but couldn’t work. We were so broke, everything felt like it had been destroyed and the hope for reconstruction felt slim and so difficult. I am an avid supporter and consumer of PBS programming and Wayne Dyer’s special came on. I can’t remember which one it was, but it spoke to me in a deeply, profound way.

He spoke about the soul in a temporary body, the evolution of the soul over time. That life was full of lessons and fulfilling our own Dharma. All things I had been interested in but was afraid to explore. He spoke about synchronous experiences, for example series of specific events leading to a specific outcome that seemed orchestrated from somewhere else. During my recovery this spoke to me the most.

I had animals coming to my back door and pawing at the window. The day of my car accident I had a snake cross my path, in a place where I had never seen a snake cross before. I have had several other animal interactions but it seemed like nature was speaking to me. I was listening. I began searching and ended up working with Heidi Howes, a shamanic practitioner in Columbus, Ohio. Another part of my healing journey began and I started to feel intuitive aspects of my person that I had never experienced before.

Reiki was particularly helpful because after my accident I had children back to back, and the second pregnancy was twins! I love my children but 3 boys in two years is a lot of work, and a lot of hardship. In this time I turned to God and prayed often. I was battling the difficulty of the responsibility I had been so beautifully gifted with, and my own inner demons at the same time. To say I lost my mind a little would be an understatement of the truth. But I made it through with the help of my spiritual connection to God. I looked for signs all around me, praying when things were hard, and knowing that this all has a purpose gave me a framework for survival in a difficult time.

I don’t know what my readers believe, and I don’t often share my own beliefs, but I can say that they have been important to me. Spending time in nature is meditative and feels like prayer to me. Reading a learning about spiritual guidance can teach me just as much as church on Sunday morning.

No matter where your journey takes you, if you are going through trauma and hardship keep going. There are great resources for free to look in to how the universe supports us all. Whether you believe in a god-figure or not I have no judgement or belief that anyone should believe anything else. But it’s such a beautiful part of my life on a day to day basis. It has buoyed me through the storms in my life and pointed me through the dark.

Have a great week,

Alissa

Resources:

Dr. Wayne Dyer: If You Believe It You Will See It

Abraham Hicks

Pema Chodron

Deepak Chopra

Louise Hay

Heidi Howes

Restoring Joy

There is no feeling I relate to more or actively seek in my life than joy.

Joy reminds me of sunshine and smiling.
Watching children giggle and play.

So how do we restore joy in our lives?

How do we find the good and all the beauty that goes with it?

Especially after we have sustained hardship for long periods of time?

When I am dealing with a particularly difficult time in my life, and it feels unbearable, we can find joy in simple things:

  • Beautiful place setting
  • Cooking a healthy meal
  • Tea
  • Walks in the woods

Taking time out to be present with beauty, simplicity, nourishment and a reminder that we are separate from our circumstances and we can honor our bodies and ourselves in this place.

Another option is to seek out long term joy.
Goal setting and showing up daily or several times a week to grow and change.

This could be a physical change or an online course for business.
It could be the creation of an art project.

Whatever this looks like to you, the daily effort to create will often cause strife and frustration as we grow through it.

But on the other side of this effort lies joy, confidence, capability and personal evolution.

Watching a funny movie, going through old photos, anything that can bring joy back to your heart.

We can always create an intention for more joy in our lives.

When we seek an emotional experience, it makes it easier to recognize what aligns with that feeling and what does not. This is a different approach to change in our life. Whereas some may seek to achieve or create goals and accomplish them, we can always seek something a little more pervasive, our desired emotional state.

When I was a new Mom with 3 boys very close in age (one year apart) I was a WRECK. I was tired, I was exhausted. My husband worked constantly and I was at home with my three little boys alone. I was suffering, I was angry, tired, lost, resentful, I didn’t know who I was and I definitely didn’t know where to start. So one day I decided I wanted a feeling, and that feeling was sweetness.

I began to notice their little smiles as I changed their diapers. I began to see the beauty and innocence in their behavior and I began to shift out of the victimhood, pressure, and insanity that I had been living with. I took them to parks and we packed little lunches. I took them on drives out to the county where they would just sleep and I would watch cows and sheep walk on green grassy fields and listen to their sweet deep breathing in the back seat.

I was taking back my life and it looked like sweetness.

Things weren’t perfect but they were headed in the right direction.

You can apply joy in your life in the same way. If you seek joy you will find it. When we seek what we want we will find yourself noticing things that bring us joy.

You can replace joy with whatever feeling you have in your heart but I ask you to seek the feeling you desire most and see what happens in your life.

*Danielle LaPorte’s Book the Desire Map is an excellent resource and workbook for seeking the emotional state we desire. You can find it on Amazon here: https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B00H7MKSRY&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_PxOFCbQBJV6EZ

Fear

What is fear?

Fear is an EMOTION.

Now if you have been hanging out with me for a while you know that I believe that emotions are caused by thoughts. Your feeling of fear is a response to a thought that you believe to be true.

Whether it is a judgment of stimuli in your environment, thoughts of impending doom, a belief system that has been ingrained in your thinking patterns. This emotion is triggered by a thought.

Now there are variations of feeling fearful. I love this emotional vocabulary chart developed by Dr. Gloria Wilcox.

So many different variations of this feeling right? There are so many ways to feel fear and to feel scared.

FEAR is normal. Our brains were built that way! But they evolved during a time when we had more legitimate shit to be scared of. Like being prey, starvation, hunting etc. But the same mechanisms we used to survive in the early days of man still function in our now relatively cushy day to day existence and it can wreak havoc on our lives.

So how does the brain respond to fear?

Fear:

Amygdala: scans for threats and signals body to respond

Brain Stem: triggers the freeze response

Hippocampus: turns on the fight-or-flight response

Hypothalamus: signals the adrenal glands to pump hormones

Pre-Frontal Cortex: interprets the event and compares it to past experiences

Thalamus: receives input from the senses and “decides” to send information to either the sensory cortex (conscious fear) or the amygdala (defense mechanism)

NOW NOTE THE PREFRONTAL CORTEX!

This is the part of our brains that makes us evolved human beings. This is where we get to go into our “higher” mind and decide our response. Rather than flipping out in our “lizard brain” or traditional fight or flight (or freeze). What this really breaks down to is a separation of the subconscious and conscious mind.

This is important to know because I’m sure, like me you have overreacted at least once or twice in your life. Our lizard brain takes our thoughts and triggers flight or fight. It is our job to rewire our brains to respond appropriately to what’s happening around us. That is why it is so important to WATCH what is happening in our brain.

Sometimes you need to get real about your thinking and how it is keeping you stuck. Often, for people who are feeling stuck, there is an underlying sense of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of making a mistake, fear of failing. It’s not that the feeling of fear needs to be ignored or discarded. It’s there for a reason. But your brain is wired to basically tell you that if you do this, there is a chance you could die. That is how we are originally designed. To avoid death and procreate, etc etc. So when our brain is freezing on us, or when we find ourselves in fight or flight because we want to do something new, that is just our brain trying to keep us safe. It’s out of our norm! It’s not the everyday experience we are used to.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that it is normal to feel fear and a sense of dread when we are doing something new. That we will survive, and it’s ok to fail, and it’s ok to learn. In fact, it’s the only way to grow.

Have a great week,

Alissa