Be Organized

/This is the second post in my brand new series “Be”. Where we will look at different ways of feeling and being and examine how we can shift from our undesired feelings to the ones we wish to embody and feel. It is important to me that we don’t say “I want to be more ” or “I want to be less _” we have enough negative self-talk in our life. So for those of us seeking change and becoming who we want to be, I thought this would be a new and fun approach. I hope you enjoy./

Calling Marie Kondo!
She loves mess.

Being organized is so important, because our outside stuff can really affect our inside sense of well being. Whether you are trying to get your kids dressed in the morning and can’t find anything because there are clothes that no longer fit everywhere, or your stressed because everything you need to get out the door is all over the house, organization keeps things running smoothly.

Now I know it’s work and there is emotional labor in sorting and throwing things away. But I want to offer you a prize for doing so.

Eliminating decision-making fatigue.

It’s a real thing. That’s why really highly productive people make decisions ahead of time. That’s why minimalism is so popular. Because the less stuff you have to sort through, the less decisions you have to make. The less decisions about little things like what to wear, what to eat and what to do everyday, frees up more energy to make decisions about big things. Like what do I want to do with this great big life of mine?

So let’s start easy.
What are some things you can do to be more organized today?
Could you get your schedule down on your calendar?
Could you plan out meals for the week?
Could you clean out a closet?

The Marie Kondo overhaul is not necessary. However it is really good to take small actions to help your space feel clear and open. It will help you feel more clear and open. Your environment is really important! Even visual overstimulation can fatigue our brains, and we get enough visual input through our cell phones alone.

So give yourself grace and make some room for a little organization and over time you will “Be Organized” and that will help your life run more smoothly and give you more time for the things you love, and less time for being stressed about finding this or that.

Have a great week,
Alissa Taglione

Be Composed

This is the first post in my brand new series “Be”. Where we will look at different ways of feeling and being and examine how we can shift from our undesired feelings to the ones we wish to embody and feel. It is important to me that we don’t say “I want to be more ” or “I want to be less _” we have enough negative self-talk in our life. So for those of us seeking change and becoming who we want to be, I thought this would be a new and fun approach. I hope you enjoy.

Composure.

Calm.
Cool.
Collected.

I love feeling composed. I love feeling calm, relaxed, and collected.
I struggle with maintaining my composure for mostly 3 reasons.

  1. Overtired
  2. Overwhelmed
  3. Stressed

As a Mom of three boys and a coach working to build my own business maintaining composure can be difficult. So I wanted to share some of the ways I maintain composure and address the 3 main triggers I listed above.
So here are 5 ways to help you feel composed, even when life gets hectic.

  1. Take care of yourself first

This is the most important thing I can reiterate. When I am up early, have my day planned, have the clothes picked out and know what’s happening that day- I can handle just about anything.

Getting a good nights rest, eating what you need to fuel your own unique body, being ahead of your day so that you are in control is the number one secret of composed people.

  1. Be Proactive, Not Reactive
    Really get that schedule honed in. Know your goals. Know what’s going on with your money, your body, your home. Open your eyes to every aspect of your life so that you’re in charge.

Sometimes ripping that bandaid off and looking at the different sectors of your life can be uncomfortable. I know there have been times where I have avoided the scale or checking my account balance because I would just rather not deal with it. That method, however, usually leads to bigger problems down the road. Whether you decide to take control or not, you will still reap the consequences.

  1. Take Charge of Your Thinking
    Meditation is so popular because it really does help. We have the capability to observe our thinking. To hear our negative thoughts without reacting to them or judging them. We can literally just watch our brains and see what’s going on in there.

Often times it’s a lot of old stuff. Negative beliefs or thoughts from when we were kids. Most of it isn’t true either. Yet continues to play in the background of our mind.

These “limiting beliefs” are the NUMBER 1 reason we hold ourselves back. Whether it be a lack of self-worth or just feeling like we could never achieve something, or the scariest of the three comparison, what we think, we believe. What we believe, becomes our life.

So if you believe you can’t handle this, or there is no way you can do something, you’re right.

So how do we counter these thoughts? Stay curious.
Watch your thinking.
Write down some of the thoughts that come up over and over and ask “is this really true about me?”

Your thoughts create your emotions. Period. So if you want to start feeling better, if you want to feel in control and composed, you have to have the thought to match that emotion.

“I can handle this”
“People do this everyday”
“It’s possible”
“One step at a time”
“I’m OK”

Take breaks, check your head space, make sure you are breathing!
Allow yourself to come back to a feeling of equilibrium.

We can choose how we feel by choosing thoughts that help us feel good. Sometimes we can’t get from total overwhelm to zen. We can, however get to total overwhelm to compassion for ourselves. Compassion creates a space of understanding the drivers of that feeling of overwhelm, and allows us to shift in a new direction.

Lady, Give Yourself a Break

It’s good to be back. Last week was spring break and I got to spend so much one on one time with my littles. My twins are going to Kindergarten screening today and I just can’t even deal with how fast they are growing.

But I will be completely honest, I am exhausted. I am so friggen tired from last week that I ordered my iced coffee with a shot of espresso in it.

Being a Mom is hard, tireless work. All too often it is undervalued, and so are duties that go with it. We also have our own dreams, our own aspirations, hobbies and desires to go after. It never seems like enough. There never seems to be enough time. The early years of being at home with children is a staccato rhythm, a constantly interrupted effort.

So this week, the old guilt has tried to come back:

“i’m not doing enough”

“my work isn’t consistent”

“I can’t do all of this”

And i’m done with it.

I’m giving myself a break. Honoring taking a week off to be with my boys, and not feeling guilty for still being tired this week. I am honoring the efforts of my motherhood and taking care of 5 people including my husband. I am appreciating the support I give those around me.

I am allowing for rest and time to RECEIVE, rather than give.

This isn’t an excuse not to show up and make our dreams happen, as Marie Forleo says, “everything is figureouttable” and I believe that. My concern is the EXTRA SUFFERING that comes with the guilt, the pressure, and the ideal version of what our lives look like.

So whether you’re a working mom, a mom of 4 under 6 years old, or a new mom of 1 little precious baby, please give yourself the grace, space and love you deserve.

This is not an easy assignment. What you’re doing is sacred work and deserves more honor than our society assigns.

You will always find reverence for your efforts, dreams, hardships and love here. Always.

Have a great week,

Alissa

Fear

What is fear?

Fear is an EMOTION.

Now if you have been hanging out with me for a while you know that I believe that emotions are caused by thoughts. Your feeling of fear is a response to a thought that you believe to be true.

Whether it is a judgment of stimuli in your environment, thoughts of impending doom, a belief system that has been ingrained in your thinking patterns. This emotion is triggered by a thought.

Now there are variations of feeling fearful. I love this emotional vocabulary chart developed by Dr. Gloria Wilcox.

So many different variations of this feeling right? There are so many ways to feel fear and to feel scared.

FEAR is normal. Our brains were built that way! But they evolved during a time when we had more legitimate shit to be scared of. Like being prey, starvation, hunting etc. But the same mechanisms we used to survive in the early days of man still function in our now relatively cushy day to day existence and it can wreak havoc on our lives.

So how does the brain respond to fear?

Fear:

Amygdala: scans for threats and signals body to respond

Brain Stem: triggers the freeze response

Hippocampus: turns on the fight-or-flight response

Hypothalamus: signals the adrenal glands to pump hormones

Pre-Frontal Cortex: interprets the event and compares it to past experiences

Thalamus: receives input from the senses and “decides” to send information to either the sensory cortex (conscious fear) or the amygdala (defense mechanism)

NOW NOTE THE PREFRONTAL CORTEX!

This is the part of our brains that makes us evolved human beings. This is where we get to go into our “higher” mind and decide our response. Rather than flipping out in our “lizard brain” or traditional fight or flight (or freeze). What this really breaks down to is a separation of the subconscious and conscious mind.

This is important to know because I’m sure, like me you have overreacted at least once or twice in your life. Our lizard brain takes our thoughts and triggers flight or fight. It is our job to rewire our brains to respond appropriately to what’s happening around us. That is why it is so important to WATCH what is happening in our brain.

Sometimes you need to get real about your thinking and how it is keeping you stuck. Often, for people who are feeling stuck, there is an underlying sense of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of making a mistake, fear of failing. It’s not that the feeling of fear needs to be ignored or discarded. It’s there for a reason. But your brain is wired to basically tell you that if you do this, there is a chance you could die. That is how we are originally designed. To avoid death and procreate, etc etc. So when our brain is freezing on us, or when we find ourselves in fight or flight because we want to do something new, that is just our brain trying to keep us safe. It’s out of our norm! It’s not the everyday experience we are used to.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that it is normal to feel fear and a sense of dread when we are doing something new. That we will survive, and it’s ok to fail, and it’s ok to learn. In fact, it’s the only way to grow.

Have a great week,

Alissa

Mental Barriers

Today I’d like to talk about breaking through barriers.

Mental ones. One that we place around ourselves.

We can also call this “shattering beliefs” or “overcoming adversity”.

It has a lot of names. Because it’s imperative to growth.

This is why mindset is important and why it matters.

Because if you want to SEE IT you have to BELIEVE IT.

A little narrative for ya:

This weekend I broke a big barrier for myself. I’ve always been athletic, but running was never my gig. I have been working on keeping my brain in balance and what has really helped me in the past is running.

But I only ever ran around 1 or 2 miles. That was a big deal for me. That meant I was getting it done. That was enough.

But it was also all I thought I could do.

So about a week or so ago, I broke 3 miles. That was a game changer. It meant that “THE LIMIT DID NOT EXIST!” the limit was, in fact, in my mind.

So last weekend. Last Saturday to be exact, I set out to do the impossible, I wanted to run 5 miles.

I put on my headphones, I have been using the Nike Run Club app. (highly suggest it) so that I had coaching in my ears and something to track my time. I procrastinated for 2 hours and I finally got to the bike path. And I started.

At the end of that hour, I had run 5.43 miles.

I had changed my beliefs by proving to myself I could do it.

Next weekend, I’m running 7 miles and then 10. All the way to half marathon distance.

Why? Because I want to know that I can. That I can manage my brain around an impossible goal and break through that barrier. This isn’t so much about running as it is knowing what is POSSIBLE.

I literally believed that I would never tackle that distance. And here I am, on the other side.

So how can you apply this to your life?

Do you have beliefs that you “can never weigh” a healthy weight?

Do you have beliefs that you “can never make” that amount of money?

Do you have beliefs that you “can never _____” fill in the blank?

Because I want you to challenge that mentality. Because human potential is limitless, we create, build and solve problems all day long. To quote Marie Forleo “Everything is figureoutable”

Recently master coach Brooke Castillo did a podcast about “Impossible Goals” and my biggest takeaway from that episode is this:

The answer to achieving the impossible is in our daily tasks.

By doing what’s possible every single day, whether that’s sticking to our diet, sticking to our plan, showing up for work, learning the lessons, even FAILING, that is the path to the other side.

So be patient, be clear, strive forward and CHECK YOUR BRAIN. Because that idiot will tell you all the false beliefs you’ve ever believed to be true about yourself. Whether they still apply or not. We will talk more about that later.

Have a good week everyone. Til next time,

Alissa