This last month has been one of reflection and inner work. So much so that I’ve stepped away from this blog and video blogging on Facebook consistently.
I had a situation really stop me in my tracks about who I am and what I do. I really needed to analyze where I was and who I wanted to be. This led me to really begin questioning the essence of my humanity, my core values, and my willingness to push through to make this dream of being a coach and being a helper in the world a reality.
This morning I went to read the astrology reports for this new moon and something stopped me in my tracks. I’m not sure what exactly it said, but it truly spoke to the hardship and the heaviness of the burden I’ve been carrying.
We are always in a place of in between. The place where we were and the person we long to be. Every ounce of healing work we’ve done, every book we have read, every personal wrong we have worked diligently to correct in ourselves, matters. So when we look back, sometimes with the deep shame of who we were, we must know that we are always growing. We are learning, always. And as long as we are learning and changing, that is all that matters.
Whenever we are doing something hard, something new, something scary, like starting a business or blogging or whatever that is, there is a point in the game where we begin to doubt ourselves, question our capabilities and really ask ourselves if it is possible.
First of all, if someone else is doing it, has it, or has overcome it, then it is LITERALLY possible.
Second of all, this is where we get to really push ourselves. We can do hard things, which can include analyzing all the ugly and difficult things about ourselves. Looking at our shadow selves and bringing her out into the light.
I have a very strong and real fear of rejection, often it causes me to people please, “over-do” things, and it sometimes causes me to hide. Yesterday I realized that whether or not people like me, I’m still here, I’m still part of humanity, accepted or rejected it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still here, right now. We are all a part of it, whether we feel we belong or not.
So, my sweet friends, if you are feeling down and out and hardened by the world, remember you are still apart of all that is, you are exposing pain so that it can be healed, and most importantly you are learning what your values are and who you want to be in the world.
With all the love and grace in the whole world,