To Forgive

Forgiveness is difficult.
Especially when we have been really hurt, harmed, and offended.

Forgiving those who have harmed us, not as an act of allowing or accepting the offender’s behavior as ok, but releasing our attachment to the hurt that someone caused in the past, that we are still experiencing today.

What if the person that you need to forgive the most is you?

Having compassion and forgiveness for ourselves is to release ourselves of our past behaviors and move forward in our personal narrative.

Self-loathing and self-hatred can destroy a person. It’s the rejection of the soul and labeling ourselves as worthless. And it can happen when we can’t live with our past, or our actions.
What’s worse is that the guilt and the shame that come with self-loathing puts us in a place where we no longer function as we once did. If we stay like that long enough it becomes part of who we are. Any repetitive action, belief, or emotion will become automatic overtime and ingrained in our personality.

So how do we let go? How do we release ourselves from our past behavior that would never happen now?

Compassion
Have compassion for yourself. Understand the foundation of the past behavior and the context in which it happened. What was going on that was outside of your control? What emotions did you not know how to express? Was there pain in your experience that caused you to self medicate, neglect, or hurt someone or yourself?

Acceptance
What happened, happened. What do you make that mean about yourself now? What final judgement have you condemned on yourself because of the past? Is that fair? How is it still true about you now?

Reframe
I’ve spoken about this in prior blog posts, but how can you reframe those thoughts in a way that benefits you? Who are you now because of it? What learning or positive outcomes have happened since. Because I promise, if you wouldn’t be ok doing it now, something has changed in you, and you’ve grown because of it.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. 
All we have is the present.

Don’t let something from the past hold you back from now.
Accept, learn and grow from it. Hold yourself gently and process those feelings and give them purpose. Our past is part of who we are, we want those experiences to serve us, and we have complete control over whether our past serves us or holds us hostage.

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