What is resentment?
For me, resentment is a feeling of overwhelming anger always directed at something other than the cause. Resentment is heavy, its dark and it’s all-encompassing.
I want to talk about resentment because it’s something I am diligently working on this year.
Resentment is a snarled up, shrunken sense of anger. It is disempowering. It is kind of like a “Victim Mentality” run wild.
If you do not know what “playing the victim” or a victim mentality is, it is a concept used in coaching and therapy where people advocate the responsibility for their emotional well-being to other people. Since other people can never know exactly what other people need to be happy, victims go around blaming others for all of their problems, even though the common denominator for these problems is always them. When we give someone else responsible for our emotional well-being, that gets us off the hook for our own responsibility.
Who can make you happy? You can. If you choose too.
This being said, partners in supportive roles, or caretaking roles, often find themselves resentful. “I have to take care of them”, “I have to stay at home and be responsible for everyone else’s needs”, I HAVE TO.
The first thing I want to stress, that keeps me personally from flailing into anger, resentment, and victimhood is knowing that this is all a choice that I’m making. I am CHOOSING to stay at home with my children, I am CHOOSING to be in a relationship with someone who works 6 days a week if not more. I am CHOOSING to work from home and build a business with my own two hands.
I make the decisions. I own the consequences. And I can CHANGE things if I choose to.
It is so easy to fall into this trap, especially as mothers and partners. It can destroy families, our physical well-being, and our relationships.
So if you are feeling the heavy-handed burden of resentment today. If you are angry at someone else for the way your life feels right now, allow that. Allow yourself to feel it and work with that pain. Ask yourself, “what is it I need right now”, “what would I rather be doing”, “who am I giving my decision making to?”.
For me, this has been a lifelong battle. I will continue to work on it until my two legs stand firm in the ground and pivot in the direction I decide and choose with my family.
Let us honor ourselves today, let us say no to unnecessary suffering. Let us put our hearts back into our own hands and sing healing into them.
The restoration of joy is on the other side.